I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
