yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
