Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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