actually, I'm a sock model
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
