Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
