Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
