Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
