Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
