wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
