VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
