We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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