dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
