I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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