I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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