my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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