Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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