Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
