i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My ATM looks so different sober.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who died my cat blue again?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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