Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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