He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
