I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
