We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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