I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
