glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
