So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Everclear isn't food dammit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
