he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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