They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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