My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
