Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
