they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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