Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
