remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
