I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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