The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
