You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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