and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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