I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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