I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
