You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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