you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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