I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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