My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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