how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
