addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
