i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
