she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
