I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
