remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
