At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
