I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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