I have demons in me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
