dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
