She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
