My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
