Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
