Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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