Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
