The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
