Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
