i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
