Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
