The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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