Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
