This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
