I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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