My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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