thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
