I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
