i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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