I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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